Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing, Baby

 

The idea for this picture came to me in a moment of inspiration.  Having seen playthroughs of the rebooted Battletoads game, this image popped into my head almost immediately.  And I sincerely doubt I was alone in this thinking.

Granted, as a character, Dark Queen has always been rather obscure, mostly because she was either in games that were go ball-bustingly difficult that hardly anyone ever got to the final level to face her, or games that were actually never completed, so she ended up being little more than a cameo.  So she's always been a blank canvas of sorts and would have been pretty easy to expand upon, which the rebooted game at least attempted to do.  But I doubt anyone was prepared for the design change that came with it.

I'll admit, most of these alterations weren't necessarily deal-breakers...the cartoonish art style...the fact that everything from her tits had mysteriously gone straight to her ass.  After all, plenty of cartoonish females are known for their wide baby-birthin' hips...just ask Dexter's Mom, Chel or Enid, to name a few.  But then, they went and decked her out in this frumpy outfit that would even make the most vocal and venomous haters of the Mortal Kombat 11 female designs just sit back and go, "...Well, that just shut ME up".

I mean, could they have tried any harder to rob her of any sex appeal?  And for what?  They've got diaper jokes in the game.  They commit an entire level to Pimple going on a psychotic rampage and murdering an entire religious cult.  But a pair of Double-D's in a leather unitard?  For THAT, you can't turn into Helen Lovejoy fast enough?

But before anyone gets the idea that I've become one of "those" people who's railing against SJWs ruining the world, let me set the record straight.  Because as I see it, this actually has nothing to do with that.  This is a double standard that has existed for decades in the entertainment media.  I've seen it, ever since I was a child and its existed for even longer than I've been alive.  Dirty jokes and ultra violence have always been tolerated.  That just washes off people's backs.  But when it comes to nudity and sex appeal (which I think everyone can agree, is VASTLY more attractive), they can't let anyone see it.  And why?  The answer couldn't be more obvious.

That's right, boys.  There's no conspiracy here.  Conspiracy suggests something overly convoluted, but the truth couldn't be any simpler.  This isn't about Marcy Darcy and her secret cabal of Femi-Nazis plotting to take all your toys away.  This is about Mommy and Daddy not wanting to talk to their kids about SEX.  That's ALL it's ever been about.

So to that end, I chose to fly in the face of the double standard by posting this pic of Dark Queen in her classic form.  Hopefully everyone appreciates it.  And any parents who want to complain about the content, this is a mature site and thus, your underage son shouldn't even be looking at this anyway.  So who's REALLY to blame, am I right?

Enjoy.